As racers gear up for Friday night's Elk Mountain Grand Traverse from Crested Butte 40 miles to Aspen, Colorado, one skier shares what he's learned from three finishes.
->If you think you're being noble by carrying more than your partner, this does not work. Eventually he will berate you for being slow and soon thereafter dust you.
->Remember, crossing a snow bridge that collapses is the same as crossing the river wearing your skis and boots.
->At the start, listen to what the righteous reverend has to say. He is wiser than you.
->If you are hallucinating on Richmond Ridge, if your partner starts swearing at you in Italian, sees Elvis, or can't remember the President's name beyond "that war guy," this is not unusual but is reason for concern.
->If you are carrying a tent or sleeping bag, you will use it and may never finish.
->Trying to keep up with anyone named Jimmy, Pat, Dave, Geo, Andre, Pierre, or Mike K.: Not smart.
->The Japanese term and practice of doryoku-great effort- makes for a fun time, but not necessarily a fast time.
->Two small headlamps do not work as well on screaming descents as one that's slightly bigger and heavier.
->On the hogbacks past Taylor Pass it can be faster to jog up the hills and leave the skis de-skinned for the downhills.
->Short roping is bad form.
->Getting lost on that little shortcut near the end is worse form.
->At Star Pass, if you don't have metal edges, follow the skiers who are still standing.
->Do: Be nice to the race volunteers. They are way more hardcore than you.
->Do: Pay homage to one of the race's founding fathers, Mike Martin, who died in a small-plane crash a few years ago.
->Don't: Go out like a sprinter, get frostbite before the Friends Hut, or try to go the distance if your water is frozen before you get past Mount Crested Butte. Better to stop and drink beer than to race and bonk.
->Running, at midnight, on dirt, in ski boots is actually a lot of fun.
->If your wife drops you three miles before you reach the top of Aspen Mountain, claiming she needs to nurse the baby, don't take it personally. Maternal instinct is stronger than you.
->If you're using AT gear, turn around now.
->If you are post-holing with your skis in your hands and a cute woman passes you, be nice and do not growl.
->When in doubt point it on the downhills. Then look for a soft spot to impact.
->Wax the last ten miles. Waxless is for geeks.
-Penn Newhard
Penn Newhard is a partner at Backbone
Media in Carbondale, Colorado. He has since forgiven his wife, Kir, for dropping him at mile 37..
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